Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Wednesday Wit | 28 May 2014 - Bulletin Bloopers

You've all seen them. Here are some of my favorite. Feel free to add more in the comments.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning:  'Jesus Walks on the Water.'  The sermon tonight:  'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.  It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.  Smile at someone who is hard to love.  Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.  They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.  So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'  Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.  Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.  All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.  Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:

"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

1 comment:

The Brown Recluse (TBR) said...

If I'm honest (probably for most of us)...every once in a while, you run across someone you'd like to s̶a̶y̶ ̶"̶h̶e̶l̶l̶"̶ ̶t̶o̶ ...but I'm pretending I didn't admit to that desire.

:::very innocent look:::