Gender neutrality is not a new thing. There have been attempts to remove male/female reference from language for a long time. Some examples: aviator/aviatrix is now pilot, waiter/waitress is now server, steward/stewardess is now flight attendant, chairman/chairwoman is now chair, etc. There were, and probably still are, attempts to remove gender language from interpretations of the Bible; things like replacing "man" (when speaking of the human race) with "all people".
Most of this is quite harmless and does not adversely affect things. However, the latest movement toward gender neutrality has a much deeper reach and is potentially harmful.
A coworker recently made an observation about the current debate regarding gender identity. He said, "When the debate came up regarding creation versus evolution, the mantra of the day was, 'We have science. We can prove evolution. You only have emotional feelings regarding creation.' But now with gender, we have science to prove the gender of an individual, but the mantra has changed to, 'It's based on how we feel (identify).'" Diametrically opposed arguments.
Here is where I see things at the moment. I'm a computer programmer so I see much of my world through technological terms. There are simulators where you can create any computer you can imagine. However, these simulators are running on a physical computer. There may not be any similarities between the physical computer and the virtual computer that it's running. The virtual computer becomes whatever we want it to be.
In similar fashion, each person is born male or female (I realize there are some born with both sets of genitalia). The chromosomes determine male or female. If there is a Y chromosome your body (physical computer) is male. Your brain (the virtual computer) can imagine anything it wants about who you really are, but anything other than, for example, a Male in a Y chromosome body, will be in conflict with itself. Surgery cannot correct it. Hormones cannot correct it. Both only apply a modification to the virtual computer.
I don't know the answer to the current issue of gender neutrality. I know demonizing speech is not the answer. If someone says, "Ma'am or sir", to someone whose virtual self does not "identify" as their physical self, there is no hate intended. We used to call that "being courteous".
There is an entire vocabulary being created that everyone is expected to adapt so we do not offend anyone. You can get some idea of it
here. The challenge with this is knowing which virtual computer is running inside the physical one. It is impossible to know, based on outward appearance, whether someone is "identifying" as something else.
I hope we can find a way, on both sides of the argument, to deal with each other in a civil manner. I know I say this often, but if we can just talk to one another without veins popping out of our neck it would be a great start.