Shaping Your Narrative

We observe in the national media the attempt to shape the narrative of a particular subject. This is done overtly by organizations like the Associated Press dictating language that has to be used or cannot be used when reporting certain subjects. Other news outlets are given "talking points" by "their side" (both left and right) to include in the news cycle for the day. These are some of the reasons I no longer watch network news on TV.

We, as individuals, do not have the luxury of an organization to help us shape our narrative. We must rely on our own conversation and lifestyle to speak for us. We may not have a national audience, but people are watching - your family, spouse, children, friends, enemies, coworkers, etc. Some are watching to learn because they see the success in your life. Some watch in hopes to see you stumble. Others see you by chance and need to catch you at your best.

Consistently walking out your convictions is difficult. We all have bad days. We all are presented with circumstances that strain us to the breaking point. It is in these moments that our real selves are revealed. It is in these times where our core values are tested.

It is important for us to work on our narrative when life is good. Because when the heat is on, there is no time to develop your beliefs, only to reveal what is already there.

It Goes Without Saying

I read a book recently that discussed the way we misinterpret information given us because we make wrong assumptions about the meaning. Much of our communication happens non-verbally. We see the facial tics when talking face to face (in person or electronically), or we hear the voice inflection to cue us in on the important things contained in the words. This is part of the "Goes Without Saying" aspect of communicating.

However, this only works when the people communicating share the same background, culture, experiences, etc. When these vary, the "Goes Without Saying" leads to major misunderstandings.

The female from a very affectionate (not sexually) family can send very wrong signals to a male she may spend time with, leading to embarrassing (or worse) situations. Someone from a culture that exudes courtesy could wind up getting played by another, taking advantage of their kindness.

People with similar cultural understanding and experiences can still have missteps in communications because of current moods or recent encounters. This is why we must be diligent in communication, every day, every conversation, every act.

Bottom line, the "Goes Without Saying" is in essence our prejudice (this word applies to much more than just race, socioeconomics, skin color, etc.). Our minds "pre-judge" (the meaning of prejudice) things every minute of every day. Every conversation, every personal encounter, is carried out with certain prejudices in play. This is the danger. We must be conscious of our words, actions, and even thoughts, because our response speaks volumes, even without saying a word.

Nationalism and Election Day

Today is election day in the United States. I hope you vote. It is the primary way we can help shape our government. It is the duty of every American to use this right to voice their opinion on laws and policy which our political leaders will pursue.

Much has been said about nationalism in the past few weeks; most of it negative. It is a good word that has been caught up in the political churn and made into a bad word. Nationalism simply means, "patriotic feeling, principles, or efforts." Recently the meaning has been changed to add, "... and hate all other countries, and the people of those countries." In other words, ethnic prejudice.

Part of the reason for this change is due to our inability to tolerate anything that is different than our own views or opinions. For some, if you say, "I love American," it implies that you hate everything else. That would be the equivalent of saying, "I love my wife, therefore I hate my mother, my sister, or any other woman." That is just not true for most.

It is possible to love something without hating everything else. But, one of the most effective political tools of late is that of "hate". We have passed laws called "Hate Crimes" as though that will make the punishment worse. One of the more disconcerting developments is the term "Hate Speech." If you even say something deemed "hateful" by another you can suffer dire consequences.

It is unfortunate that society has devolved to this level. We need to find a way to be civil again, and not feel the need to attack anyone that does not agree with our ideals.

So, vote. Vote your heart. Vote your passion. Vote your conscience. Vote your beliefs. But vote. It is the most patriotic (and nationalistic) thing to do.

Presumption, the Step-Child of Prejudice

Prejudice is a scourge on our society. It has been for centuries, even millennia, but longevity does not equal justifiable. Great strides have been made in the past 200 years or so to reduce, and in some cases, eliminate prejudice, but it is still there. We must be vigilant in our effort to remove it, first from our own thinking and behavior, then that of our systems of government, commerce, and faith.

There is a closely related blight that is not directed toward a particular people group, and anyone can be found guilty of this. It's call presumption. A few examples:

1) You're late for a meeting because you were not finished eating. It's ok. Everyone will not mind waiting for you.

Wrong! They did not finish their meal so they would be on time. You were operating in presumption.

2) You're in a hurry to get home to watch a program you had on your calendar for two weeks. The line is long at the register so you break line. Everyone will understand because you are in a hurry.

Wrong! They need to get to the daycare to pick up children, or headed home with the medicine they are waiting to purchase to give to a sick loved one. That is presumption.

There are many, MANY more examples, but you get the point. Presumption is any time you project your thoughts onto another. Be considerate of others. You are not the only person on the planet. Just because it makes your life more convenient does not make it right. You do not know what others think.

Before presuming your will on others, ask. Most people are kind, and if possible, will prefer another over their own convenience. But ask.

The Old Days

I'm not sure of the age when one becomes "old". I know some people that have been "old" their whole lives. I don't think of myself as "old" until I look in the mirror and realize I'm no longer a "young" man, but I still feel "young" and still think "young" in some ways.

Lately I've been pondering the "old days". Things like, when Christmas was hardly mentioned until after Thanksgiving. When watching sports on TV was actually entertaining. When interaction with friends was simple and heart-stirring.

The world has certainly gotten smaller. We now know everything about everything, or so it seems, but yet we know very little about the few crucial elements that make life worth living.

Maybe my thinking is not as "young" as I believe it is, because things like these are usually pondered by "old" people.

Criticism

Did you know that "critic" did not originally mean something negative? Webster's says, "Critic: a person who judges the merits of literary, artistic, or musical works, especially one who does so professionally."

The reason it has come to be a negative is because no one wants to have their flaws exposed. We know they are there, but we hope no one else knows. Then, when someone points them out, we act as though we never knew anything about it.

Our attempts to hide our flaws indicates, at best, a lack of willingness to correct them, and at worst, pride.

What if instead of hiding our flaws, pretending no one can see them, we were able to be honest with one another to the point of asking for help in improving them? It would mean admitting we don't have it all together, but no one has it all together. Why not allow someone that has found a way to improve a certain thing to help you, and you can help them in areas in which you excel?

It's ok to be a "critic" in the original sense of the word, but try to keep things positive.

The "Why" Really Matters

My former pastor used to tell a story about tradition. When someone would cook a ham they would always cut off the butt-end of the ham before placing it in the pan. Curious, the husband asked, "Why do you cut off the butt-end of the ham?" Since she wasn't sure, the wife called her mother. "Mom, why do you cut off the butt-end of the ham before cooking it?" The mother responded, "Because it wouldn't fit in the pan!"

We do many things "just because". Some are family traditions we inherited without thought. Some are habits we develop in living life. Others we simply do out of ignorance. These are the most dangerous.

Recently I noticed several businesses emulating some of the practices of Chick-Fil-A. The Cathy's have built an amazing company using non-traditional business practices because the "why" of the company mandated it. A couple of things they do that are not common are these: when you thank a CFA employee they respond with, "My pleasure." The other is regarding the drive-thrus at the free-standing stores. They post real people at the "sign" where you order that process the order and payment on the spot. This ensures correctness and relieves this burden from those inside so they can focus on filling the orders quickly.

These two rather simple things set CFA apart from all the others. And, they also sell great chicken. Without some of the other intangibles many would never know about the chicken.

Two companies have begun an attempt to "borrow" some of CFAs practices, but it does not have the same affect.

Occasionally I stop at a Burger King because it is convenient. They have begun emulating CFA, but they have missed the point completely. When placing your order at the drive-thru "sign", the person inside taking the order responds with, "My pleasure." They are not responding to you, like CFA, for saying, "Thank you." It is just a rote phrase management has instructed them to use every time they take an order. It does not add to the experience. Actually, in my case, it detracts from it because I know it is disingenuous.

The other instance is the local car wash. A national (or at least regional) company has purchased all the car washes in the area. They post real people at the "sign" where you order and pay for the car wash (a totally automated process) to "help" you. Their real purpose is to try to sell you a membership. This is not a "help" to me, but instead for the ownership to earn more money.

Both of these examples reflect a lack of understanding of the "why" behind much of what successful organizations do. Before emulating the practice, seek first to understand the motivation. It makes all the difference.