The Game Called Communication

Language has become my favorite pastime. There are so many things about it that keeps me curious, but here a few for you to consider.

When I took Spanish in college, the first few chapters of the text was incredible. It described the near perfect language that had rules for everything (and I love rules). We studied verb conjugation, looking at the vosotros and nosotros forms. I loved it. It all made sense. Then the most dreaded chapter in the entire text appeared: Irregular Verbs. That's when I started hating Spanish.

It is interesting however, that English has the same problems, it's just that I grew up learning English. The most common irregular verbs are verbs of being. Words like is, am, are, was, were, etc. If you did not speak the language you would not immediately recognize how closely these are related. But, all of them speak of the same subject: states of being.

Perhaps we have such a difficult time communicating our state of being that our language reflects this. It is something to consider.

Another thing that makes language difficult is the use of idioms and colloquial expressions. Several stories from speaking with interpreters come to mind. The term "brand new" makes perfect sense in our Western culture, but Kenyan's have no idea what it means. The word "snit" does not translate well either.

A term my mom used often was "off like a jug handle." Many have never seen a jug, and did not know they had handles. Add the Southern drawl to it is unintelligible to most.

Yet, we still have to communicate, and our native tongue is the best shot we have of getting our message across. The only thing I know to do is keep trying.

Christmas Memories

I only remember about three Christmases from my childhood.

The first is when I wound up in the emergency room. My brother and I were on the front porch bouncing a ball against the house which had recently been decorated with Christmas lights. These were the old colored incandescent bulbs (the real ones). The ball hit a bulb and it burst, sending fragments of glass into my eyes. Fortunately there were no long-term affects on my vision.

The second was the last Christmas we had with my dad. It was such an amazing experience. There were more presents that morning than I had ever seen. Each of us had a pile of gifts. If we had only known that five months later dad would be gone, our focus might have been a little different.

The last Christmas from my childhood that I recall is the first Christmas without my dad. I had a very sour attitude. I knew the truth about Santa, and just wanted my presents. I didn't want to wait until Christmas morning. I wanted them Christmas Eve, when some of my friends' families opened all of their gifts.

During my middle years I did not enjoy Christmas. Even after the kids came along, there always seemed to be something that would ruin the moment: a broken gift, the wrong gift, family rifts, or just plain tired. I always dreaded the holidays.

Something changed, fortunately, that has brought a great relief from the holiday doldrums. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but part of it stemmed from a fresh look at the Christmas story told in scripture. I found the part about Anna and Simeon that had never been told, at least not that I recall, in the telling of the Christmas story growing up.

One of the most significant experiences that brightened Christmastime for me was hearing Jack Hayford speak on his book, "The Mary Miracle." It is one of the best I've ever read.

When I learned there were those who anticipated the coming Messiah all of their life, and to finally see Him, gave me hope again that life is worth living ... every moment of it, including the holidays.

Gifts still break, or the wrong gift is still given, but I believe the main difference is inside me.

Glass Half Full/Empty

I'm not a glass half empty nor half full. I'm more of a "drink if you're thirsty, fill it up if you're not" kind of person. I tend to be utilitarian in my approach to most things. I focus on outcomes, but am mindful of processes needed to achieve those outcomes, and aim for doing them in the most efficient way possible.

This is not always optimal. I have learned (through many times of getting it wrong!) that sometimes people are not interested in efficiency. They enjoy the journey, even though it may not be the quickest or most effective. Some enjoy reading the backstory instead of "just the facts." The long way is not always the wrong way.

When it comes to interpersonal relationships efficient does not equal effective. People require time. An individual is not a problem to solve. That leads to Machiavellianism. Approach others as an opportunity to learn, to grow, to enjoy, not to correct. This will make you both better people.

Always Start at the Beginning

There are problems in the world. Since Eden, there have always been problems in the world. Our approach to solving them determines how successful we are at living a productive, peaceful life.

If every problem you have is external (someone else's fault) you can never live at peace. Before asking your neighbor to be nicer, why not try to be nicer yourself? Most problems are noticed because we are not at peace with ourself. This is always the first place to start.

Introspection is almost non-existent today. We have information streaming toward us 24/7/365 with no breaks to process the data. The negative, of course, catches our attention much more quickly than the positive. As the negative inputs begin to amass we start to recoil to counter act them without taking time to consider whether we are actually part of the problem.

Self-examination is usually not fun. It is hard to confront the evil that lives inside of us. That's why most avoid it. Let's keep the focus on others, because after all, they are much more evil than me!

Until you take time to find out what is on the inside, why the negative news affects you the way it does, you do not know if you are actually the one that needs to change.

The Written Word - Possibly the Worst Form of Communication

The more I learn about communication the more I am amazed that humans have made it this far. Our ability to communicate seems to be fading daily, yet there is more information available than ever before. Everyone is talking, but very few are actually listening.

It intrigues me to know that our Creator-God chose the written word to tell mankind of His plan. I know He sent Jesus (in human form), but most people on earth never saw Him - before or after He lived on our planet. Words are so sterile when you see them on a page. Any emotion has to be derived from the reader. This requires actually engaging with the text and trying to envision what the author actually said.

Hence, the many, many different interpretations of the meaning of scripture makes for an even more confused people. I hear it so often spoken from pulpits that "the Bible clearly says ..." This is a misnomer. The Bible says very few things "clearly", but this does not mean we should not read it, or try to understand it. What I believe it means is we need to spend even more time with others discussing the meaning instead of arguing, red-faced with neck-veins popping, trying to convince one another that "WE have the TRUTH!"

Before you throw me into the "heresy" pile please hear me out. The Bible is God's Word sent to us. However, the written words are only part of the communication. Jesus, before leaving earth, promised to send "another" comforter, the Holy Spirit, who would lead us into all TRUTH. Without the Holy Spirit, who abides in EVERY believer, and who will lead us (the Church, the Called-Out Ones) into the Truth, we will never know the proper meaning of scripture.

Personally, I do not believe it is as hard to understand as many make it out to be. I do not think it is a "code" to be deciphered. I cannot imagine a Creator leaving us with His instructions for living without knowing that we could understand it. Let's read it as the "open letter" that it is, and not as some secret handbook that only a chosen-few will ever understand. Let's talk about the Bible's contents instead of arguing over it. We might actually learn something.

The Real Cost of Thanksgiving

Everything these days seems to be broken down to show the cost. Every action is dissected to determine who caused it. Even the slightest thing can explode into a major deal because of perceived intent. I personally believe one of the mitigating factors is the number of lawsuits filed on a daily basis, but I digress.

What is Thanksgiving? If you parse the word itself you find a very simple meaning: to give thanks. Then, you are left with the "interpretation" and that is where we find the difference of opinion. Who is to be thankful, and to whom should thanks be given? And the more important question, why should we be thankful, and for what?

One of the first things that has to be sacrificed in order to give thanks is pride. By thanking someone else you in essence are admitting you did not do it all yourself. None of us have done it all alone. Everyone has received help. To deny this is the ultimate display of pride. All of us have reason to be thankful.

The primary reason I resist allowing Christmas to overshadow Thanksgiving is because of the importance I place on giving thanks. First and foremost, each of us should give thanks to our Creator-God for the very breath we have in our lungs. Secondly, we should be thankful for our parents for bringing us into this world (regardless of how they treated you). If you live in the U.S.A., you should be thankful that you have the freedom to pursue any dream you have.

In all of these, it requires us to confront realities that we are not self-sufficient. This, I believe, is the reason Christmas has eclipsed Thanksgiving. We tend to shun the idea of exalting others above ourselves when instead we could reap all the gifts that we want others to bestow upon us.

The real cost of Thanksgiving: humility.

Life Through Your Eyes

Everything we see is filtered by our life experiences. If you are the firstborn you had time alone with your parents and could easily see the presence of your siblings as an interruption. If you are the lastborn in a large family you rarely had time alone with your parents and could view the presence of your siblings as an intrusion.

If you grew up in an underprivileged household you may have a greater appreciation for things like your first car, new clothes, or a meal out. If you were born into a family of influence you may never know the hurt and shame in being left out.

It is very difficult to see life any other way than through the filters of your experience. To be able to view things differently would require an event that would alter your world-view. The phrase “paradigm shift” is a ‘90s term, but I can’t think of a better, more up-to-date one, that describes what I’m trying to say. In Steven Covey’s book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, he gives a description of a paradigm shift.

“I was riding on the subway in New York. There was a father with three young children on the train. The children were very rambunctious and loud, running around, disturbing those around them. The father sat there and said nothing. The more this continued the angrier I became. ‘Why doesn’t he do something about those little brats’, I thought. Finally I had to speak. I said to the father, ‘Your children seem to be a little wild today.’ The man looked up and responded, ‘Yes. We just buried their mother and I guess they don’t know how to act.’”

Instantly, you see things differently. If only we could do this in other areas. We can try, but we can never feel the emotion of missing a meal, or having no place to sleep. We anguish over what to wear, not where to find warm clothes. We choose the job with the best pay and benefits instead of hoping to find a few hours of work for unskilled laborers to buy formula and diapers.

The only way to be able to see life differently, other than being thrust into it yourself, is to allow the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to what is around you. We must become sensitive to His prompting, and be willing to follow His leading. It may not meet our standards, and it may not be comfortable, but following His direction will bring “joy unspeakable” to you and those you encounter on the way.

Live with eyes wide open. Be aware of those around you and realize they may be hurting instead of “acting up.” The reason for their desperation may be survival, not terror. Let us learn, as The Church, to be Jesus to our world.