The Real Cost of Thanksgiving

Everything these days seems to be broken down to show the cost. Every action is dissected to determine who caused it. Even the slightest thing can explode into a major deal because of perceived intent. I personally believe one of the mitigating factors is the number of lawsuits filed on a daily basis, but I digress.

What is Thanksgiving? If you parse the word itself you find a very simple meaning: to give thanks. Then, you are left with the "interpretation" and that is where we find the difference of opinion. Who is to be thankful, and to whom should thanks be given? And the more important question, why should we be thankful, and for what?

One of the first things that has to be sacrificed in order to give thanks is pride. By thanking someone else you in essence are admitting you did not do it all yourself. None of us have done it all alone. Everyone has received help. To deny this is the ultimate display of pride. All of us have reason to be thankful.

The primary reason I resist allowing Christmas to overshadow Thanksgiving is because of the importance I place on giving thanks. First and foremost, each of us should give thanks to our Creator-God for the very breath we have in our lungs. Secondly, we should be thankful for our parents for bringing us into this world (regardless of how they treated you). If you live in the U.S.A., you should be thankful that you have the freedom to pursue any dream you have.

In all of these, it requires us to confront realities that we are not self-sufficient. This, I believe, is the reason Christmas has eclipsed Thanksgiving. We tend to shun the idea of exalting others above ourselves when instead we could reap all the gifts that we want others to bestow upon us.

The real cost of Thanksgiving: humility.

Life Through Your Eyes

Everything we see is filtered by our life experiences. If you are the firstborn you had time alone with your parents and could easily see the presence of your siblings as an interruption. If you are the lastborn in a large family you rarely had time alone with your parents and could view the presence of your siblings as an intrusion.

If you grew up in an underprivileged household you may have a greater appreciation for things like your first car, new clothes, or a meal out. If you were born into a family of influence you may never know the hurt and shame in being left out.

It is very difficult to see life any other way than through the filters of your experience. To be able to view things differently would require an event that would alter your world-view. The phrase “paradigm shift” is a ‘90s term, but I can’t think of a better, more up-to-date one, that describes what I’m trying to say. In Steven Covey’s book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, he gives a description of a paradigm shift.

“I was riding on the subway in New York. There was a father with three young children on the train. The children were very rambunctious and loud, running around, disturbing those around them. The father sat there and said nothing. The more this continued the angrier I became. ‘Why doesn’t he do something about those little brats’, I thought. Finally I had to speak. I said to the father, ‘Your children seem to be a little wild today.’ The man looked up and responded, ‘Yes. We just buried their mother and I guess they don’t know how to act.’”

Instantly, you see things differently. If only we could do this in other areas. We can try, but we can never feel the emotion of missing a meal, or having no place to sleep. We anguish over what to wear, not where to find warm clothes. We choose the job with the best pay and benefits instead of hoping to find a few hours of work for unskilled laborers to buy formula and diapers.

The only way to be able to see life differently, other than being thrust into it yourself, is to allow the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to what is around you. We must become sensitive to His prompting, and be willing to follow His leading. It may not meet our standards, and it may not be comfortable, but following His direction will bring “joy unspeakable” to you and those you encounter on the way.

Live with eyes wide open. Be aware of those around you and realize they may be hurting instead of “acting up.” The reason for their desperation may be survival, not terror. Let us learn, as The Church, to be Jesus to our world.

Contents Should Match the Label

One of several books that I have started but haven't finished is called "Managed Expectation". It describes the idea that if we can properly set expectation to match the delivered product or service we will win every time.

One of my many pet peeves is realizing after the fact that what was promised is not what was delivered. It's like opening a can of creamed corn to find beets. For me, that would be a major disappointment. Or, you go to your favorite restaurant to order the Special of the Day only to learn that they have sold out.

My most recent experience came with the computer language I use at work. SQL has a data type called "Numeric" (only numbers, no letters). It seems pretty simple. A common thing we do is convert pre-formatted text data into Numeric. SQL even provides a test to ensure the contents of the target field is, in fact, Numeric.

The problem is they use different definitions for the word "numeric". The data type "Numeric" only contains numbers. The test provided, IsNumeric, will return a positive result if it "looks" like a number!  This means it can contain "$" or "," and still be considered a number, but it is not a SQL Numeric.

This slight difference cost me a couple of hours over the weekend. It led to much frustration before finally figuring out the distinction. I know I harp on language and communication a lot, but it is so important. Be sure that what you are advertising is, in fact, what you plan to deliver.

Deception may earn you a few quick bucks, but it will never produce the lasting brand success that most businesses are attempting to achieve. Let your contents match your label. You will win in the end.

Setting the Standard

How does something become the standard?

Before the game of golf was invented, how did we measure hail?

Before sauerkraut was created, how did we know how cold something was?

It's curious how idioms develop in a language. The examples I gave are humorous, but they illustrate things to which we compare other things. Some of these are not as humorous.

When the United States first created its currency it was based on gold reserves. The amount of money in circulation was dependent on the amount of gold the U. S. Treasury had in the vault. In other words, we were solvent as a nation. When we moved away from the gold standard inflation was an immediate result.

Standards matter. Some standards never change. For Christians, the Bible is THE standard by which we shape our lives. Other standards are dictated by culture. Unfortunately, these standards change over time.

The lack of standards seems to be the norm these days, or perhaps it's just my age showing. There are many things in our Western culture that seem to have no prevailing standard by which things are measured. Most things are determined by the individual's "right" to be however they choose.

I know this didn't develop overnight. It has taken decades to arrive at this place. I wonder how long it will take the pendulum to swing the other direction? I hope within my lifetime.

Keeping Perspective

Years ago while helping with a seminar at our church, there were a few details that got dropped. Since I was responsible, I was fretting quite a bit, to the point of extreme frustration with myself. Evidently my frustration was apparent to those around me.

During one of the small group sessions (I did not lead a small group) the facilitator came to my office. I had retreated there to try to regroup. He came in and sat down. I immediately began apologizing for the errors. In a very solemn voice and calm demeanor he said, "Dudley, it all matters."

But before I could begin another round of apologies, he continued, "Just not very much."

He helped me learn a valuable lesson that night. While it is important to plan and execute the details, EVERYTHING is not critical to the mission. Sometimes you have to let some of the extraneous things slide to protect the success of the principle goal.

So, when things are not all going according to plan, I can hear Joe's words ring clear, "It all matters, just not very much." My measuring stick for importance has become this: Will it matter a year from now, ten years from now, or a hundred years from now?

Most things will not even matter tomorrow. Learn to let them go. First of all, you cannot change the facts of history. Learn from them so you do not repeat them, but let them go. Everyone will be better off if you will.

Trivial and Non-Trivial

My favorite college professor was Dr. Tom Cheatham. He spoke six words that changed my life as a young college student. "You have the aptitude for this." It was like the line that Don Rickles used when he appeared in an episode of The Andy Griffith Show. He said, "I'm not inept. I'm ept!"

No one in a position of influence in my life had ever said such words to me. It empowered me achieve great things in my studies of math and computer science. I have never been the same.

I took every course I could under Dr. Cheatham. He was such a good teacher, and showed great concern for all of his students, both in and out of the classroom.

One of my favorite phrases he used had to do with the difficulty of a particular problem or project. He categorized everything into one of two buckets: trivial and non-trivial. Sometimes his description was a little different than what I thought of the same problem, but you knew immediately when he said something was non-trivial you better grab your bootstraps, because it was going to get deep.

I believe this simple categorization has helped me in other areas of life. Most things we deal with are trivial. Even some of the more complicated issues we face are under the surface quite trivial. The problem comes when we treat EVERYTHING in life as non-trivial. I have met people that make everything hard. Any issue they face seems to be insurmountable.

Before making a decision about the difficulty of a particular thing you face try to keep things in perspective. Everything is not hard. Some things are trivial. Treat them as such and move on. Then when you face something that actually is non-trivial you have the energy and mental capacity to properly evaluate the circumstances, devise a solution, and execute a plan.

Non-trivial does not mean impossible. It simply means it will take some time and effort to accomplish.

Shaping Your Narrative

We observe in the national media the attempt to shape the narrative of a particular subject. This is done overtly by organizations like the Associated Press dictating language that has to be used or cannot be used when reporting certain subjects. Other news outlets are given "talking points" by "their side" (both left and right) to include in the news cycle for the day. These are some of the reasons I no longer watch network news on TV.

We, as individuals, do not have the luxury of an organization to help us shape our narrative. We must rely on our own conversation and lifestyle to speak for us. We may not have a national audience, but people are watching - your family, spouse, children, friends, enemies, coworkers, etc. Some are watching to learn because they see the success in your life. Some watch in hopes to see you stumble. Others see you by chance and need to catch you at your best.

Consistently walking out your convictions is difficult. We all have bad days. We all are presented with circumstances that strain us to the breaking point. It is in these moments that our real selves are revealed. It is in these times where our core values are tested.

It is important for us to work on our narrative when life is good. Because when the heat is on, there is no time to develop your beliefs, only to reveal what is already there.